Enter the Host Club
by BlackFeatherz29
Summary: Crossover with Ouran Host Club. Team Seven find themselves guarding Suou Tamaki and the rest of the Host Club from a financial group who wants to take over Ouran High School. Chaos ensues. Pairings NaruSaku SasuHina TamaHaru HikaHaru
1. Infernal Contraptions

**Enter the Host Club**

By BlackFeatherz29

Chapter 1: Infernal Contraptions

Hello! Forgive me, my regular readers, for not updating any of my stories and instead starting a new one! (is grinning from ear to ear in disturbingly psycho way) I will have no guarantees on update dates for this fic, and yes, it will be painful for the sane members of Team Seven! God, I'm such a sadist. Well, this is meant to be a humor fic. Ninjas versus the Host Club How crazy can it get? Keep reading to find out.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or Ouran High School Host Club.

* * *

Uchiha Sasuke didn't know how he'd been conned into this mess. Just an hour before, he'd been innocently lounging with the two other members of his team (both of whom had particularly earsplitting voices but with he'd tuned out with no problem) on the bridge while sharpening his favorite Fuma shuriken. Then the Godaime just happens to issue them a mission via their usually late sensei. His peace and quiet were shattered the moment Sakura and Naruto shut up for a second before screaming at Kakashi, accusing him of being purposefully late for every other time since he was unusually early this time.

So here he was, bundled down with some strange clothes as well as boarding a machine that supposedly was to be able to fly after a screamout (consisting of Naruto and Tsunade-sama) that was supposed to be a mission briefing. Curious.

He wasn't particularly worried about the thousands of feet they were going to go up. Oh, no. He was just slightly worried about how lost they would find themselves on the ground below the plane should it decide to crash. How would they ever find their way back to Konoha then?

"Damn these infernal contraptions," he muttered under his breath while he cautiously boarded the plane. This is why he didn't like dabbling in the technology of the outer world.

Looking back at the loading dock, Sasuke saw that he wasn't the only one expressing doubt that this "helicopter" would truly be able to fly.

"Ano… are you sure this will work?" Sakura asked nervously, glancing at the huge rotary blades that decorated the top of the machine while twiddling with the unfamiliar packages in her hands. Naruto, who had boarded before Sasuke, immediately poked his brilliantly blond (in many ways) head from the inside of the plane, tottering precariously to holler, "If we crash, I'll save you, Sakura-chaaaaaaaaan!"

Sasuke winced involuntarily at the way Naruto's loud and grating voice had managed to turn the melodic strain of his last few syllables into a cat's death yowl. He also know that a Naruto-beating wouldn't be far behind. Despite the fact that all three chuunins had become older and more respected, their mannerisms seemed to be shrinking opposite their age.

Sure enough, all evidence of hesitation disappeared faster than a bag of Chouji's chips as Sakura streaked onto the plane, roughly grabbing Naruto's right earlobe as she went by. Sasuke smirked as he followed the dust trail that she'd created onto the helicopter. Revenge was sweet…

The ceiling was low and sloping, making him feel a bit claustrophobic. The smell was of new leather and perfume, the stifling artificial habitat of rich bastards like their client. Naruto and Sakura, despite their equal loves of nature, seemed not to notice, too busy with grappling in their seats.

"Don't call me Sakura-chan again!"

"But Sakura-chan! You love me, don't you? What's the problem?"

"The problem is the way you say it, idiot, I wouldn't mind being called Sakura-chan by other people", here she paused to shoot a shy glance at Sasuke despite the fact that she and Naruto were already an unofficial couple in Konoha, "but the way you say my name just makes it sound plain disrespectful!"

Sasuke sat down in his seat beside Naruto, looking curiously at the strange buckle that lay in his lap and the cabinets filled with wine that lined the walls. The things that people in the outer world make these days…

A voice crackled to life in the ceiling, momentarily interrupting Naruto and Sakura's squabble. Despite the fact that Team Seven had been studying the outside world for the past year, it made absolutely no sense whatsoever. The only thing that Sasuke got from it was, "We will be 4000 feet in the air", and none of them understood the safety procedures in any way. Oh, well. We'll just hope that as ninjas, they'll be able to survive the crash without problems.

They all waited patiently in their seats after the pilot replaced his microphone, anxious to see if this big thing was really going to fly. After a few seconds, it would seem that Naruto's patience had burnt out. "Ano sa, ano sa!" he screamed impatiently. "When's the plane gonna start moving, pilot-guy?"

As if in answer, the helicopter slowly rose from its perch at the same time Sakura lost her patience. "Don't be so rude, Naruto! It's bad enough that this guy had to get to someplace that isn't even on the world map, but he has to deal with you, too!"

Sasuke just tuned them out. It was going to be a long ride.

Thirty seconds later…

"Ano sa, ano sa! Are we there yet?"

"No, Naruto."

"Oi, Sasuke-bastard! Say something!"

"No."

"You just said something!"

"No."

"Wait… that doesn't make sense… hey, are you listening to me?"

"No."

"Why you—"

"Settle down, Naruto. Sasuke-kun doesn't want you to bother him anymore. Can't you see he's tired of it?"

"But I thought you loved me, Sakura-chaaaan…wait – are we there yet?"

"No!"

"'Kay… just askin'…"

Take this and multiply by 100. Conclusion: never take plane rides with Team Seven. You will get a migraine.

Mercifully, an hour later, the pilot announced that they would be arriving at the Suou residence in ten minutes. Naruto whooped, and Sasuke and Sakura both sighed in relief. Trapped in close parameters with Naruto was enough to make someone go mad.

The helicopter touched down onto a landing pad in the Suou estates. All three shinobi hopped out, landing as lightly as a feather. And looked around in amazement.

Naruto's jaw hung to his knees, his eyes expanding to the size and shape of Frisbees, while Sakura didn't look much better and Sasuke was trying to look unimpressed.

This place was an honest-to-God mansion. More like a European castle. The mansion stretched in all directions as far as the eye could see, coupled with wide green lawns, fountains, and multi-colored flowers. But before the ninjas could stop gawking, an obnoxiously loud male voice woke them from their reverie.

"Welcome to my home, humble guests!" Sasuke turned star-struck eyes slowly onto a figure at the edge of his vision. A blond boy in the very homogenous island nation of Japan… how curious. Was he Japanese or European? Certainly the pompous way he was talking suggested that he belonged in the French courts of old. "Allow me to introduce myself! I am Suou Tamaki, your host and client."

"Um…" was the only thing Sakura could say to this weird person. Naruto, however, miraculously recovered from his shock, had joined his equally loud and obnoxious voice to form a holy matrimony of loud and obnoxious voices.

"Hey!" he practically screamed, shaking hands vigorously with the boy. "I'm Uzumaki Naruto, future Hokage and proud chuunin of Konoha Village!"

Sasuke groaned quietly, feeling ominously that if their client was as loud and as boisterous as their favorite blond teammate, then it might be better to back out of this mission than risk getting his eardrums burst by the holy matrimony of loud and obnoxious voices…

_"Hear me out!" the Godaime yelled, slamming a sake bottle onto her desk so hard drops of sake sailed out and landed on Sasuke's face (which he delicately wiped off). "This – this _Suou_ guy has been getting on my nerves enough! First he tries to hire shinobi for a ridiculous tea party that he and his 'host club' came up with, and now he's been spamming me with pleas and bribes to hire more shinobi to guard him during an equally ridiculous school play he's directing." Team Seven exchanged a glance. It was clear that she was drunk. _

"_I normally would submit to his bribes," she continued, a small fraction calmer than she had been a moment before, "because they did offer substantial amounts of money, but he's been pissing me off way too much for that to matter. But now…"_

_She pointed an accusing finger at Naruto, the sake in her red flushing face doing all the talking now, "_You_ have especially been pissing me off this week, so I'm putting one insufferable brat with another insufferable brat because half and half make a whole." They all sweat dropped at her weird logic. _

"_Your team has been assigned to protect this Suou boy and his family and classmates while their school play is going on, and to do whatever services you can for him." Her intoxicated face loomed menacing above them. "I give you a second command to suck out every drop of money he has been bribing me with. He owes me, dammit. And no complaints!"_

… now that he thought of it, Sasuke didn't think that retreating was actually an option. Provoking a drunk and angry Tsunade-sama was worse than calling Chouji 'fat' or dissing Shikamaru's precious game of go. Speaking of Shikamaru…

As Sakura ran after her noisy teammate and their new client, the dark-haired Uchiha raised his face to the sky, only one thought on his mind: How troublesome. He hoped the lazy genius wouldn't mind the unlicensed use of his favorite phrase. But really, that was the only thing that would describe this situation. Other than 'inevitable disaster', that is. But the first phrase was easier to say.

* * *

Odd, eh? I have no guarantee for when I will update next, so keep posted on updates. Reviews are nice, too. 


	2. Strawberry Shampoo

Enter the Host Club

By BlackFeatherz29

Chapter 2: Uniforms

... I am going to be very mad if I don't get at least one review on this chapter. I'm apologize at being so negative. But seriously, this being a humor fic doesn't mean that I as the authoress am not serious about writing it. This is not total and utter crack. I don't write that anymore. So review.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or Ouran High School Host Club. I do own Naruto's chronic fear of uniforms. I'm sure that Kishimoto wouldn't expose him to dress shirts if he knew what was good for him.

* * *

"Welcome to my humble abode!" Suou Tamaki obviously didn't have the slightest idea what the word 'humble' meant, thought a disgruntled Haruno Sakura. They were standing in the entrance of the enormous Suou manor, craning the limited lengths of their necks to see the full height of the three red-velvet-and-marble staircases and a dozen crystal chandeliers. So far, the dashing blond boy had tried to hit on her at least two times. 'I'm not that easy to fool,' she thought grumpily. 'He don't know what he's getting hisself into!' screeched Inner Sakura, 'Hyah! My heart can only belong to Naruto!'

He apparently thought very highly of himself, strutting around in that Armani suit and showing off all the Monets and the Van Goghs hanging on the marble walls as he led then up to their suites. Yes, their suites. And right now he was saying…

"… you will all have quarters in the west wing of the house! That way, all of you will be able to get your own suites!"

"We _can_ teleport, you know," muttered Sasuke, peeved that this blond nutcase would underestimate them so. "And for your information, security is top priority in missions, not privacy."

"Ah!" Tamaki waved a manicured finger in front of his eyes, making the Uchiha's dark eyes cross each other briefly. "But we have a lady in the group, no?"

"Well…" Sakura felt her Inner's flammable anger kindle instantly at this dumbass's sexist thinking _and_ Naruto's stupidity. "Look here, Suou! Sasuke-kun's right; don't misjudge us by our appearances. We're shinobi! And I'm not as weak and helpless as your fangirls!" She surmised that he must indeed have fangirls if he always had that holier-than-thou attitude. And to demonstrate her point, she punched a large hole through the wall to her right. Naruto and Sasuke sweatdropped, thinking of damage costs getting docked from their paychecks.

Suou appeared to be stricken by Sakura's sharp words and the damage to his beautiful house. Gripping at his heart dramatically, he stumbled into a corner and a dark curtain of gloom settled over his blond head. The pink-haired girl was at a loss for words, sweatdropping slightly at Tamaki's lack of spine in situations involving girls. Naruto stifled a guffaw, but Sakura shut his mouth with a glare sharp as the blade of a katana. It really wouldn't do if the client was depressed by his hired shinobi.

She sighed, then grudgingly apologized to her faint-hearted client. "Ano, Suou-san, I didn't mean for it to sound so rude and ruin your house. We shinobi are proud of our skills and heritage. Perhaps… you could show us more of the house?"

Magically, Tamaki was rejuvenated, rising from his gloomy corner like a giant and his next dazzling smile (along with magically appearing red roses in the background that sparkled with fairy dust) brought a sudden chill to Sakura's spine.

"Very well, fair lady! Since you asked to so very graciously, I would gladly show you and your companions around the separate wings of the house! And never mind about the damage, for you are a beautiful lady and I shall forgive you."

Naruto cheered at the thought of the many bowls of ramen that might have gotten docked if Suou had taken off damage costs, and Sasuke twitched in barely suppressed irritability. Sakura grinned sheepishly at them, then tried to pick up her enthusiasm as Tamaki jovially marched them deeper into the mansion.

Two hours later…

"Man, when is he gonna stop showing off?" complained Naruto in a loud whisper, dragging his feet rather loudly on the oriental carpet. "He's been at it for two hours already, and frankly, I don't care very much about fine art."

"His vanity is so strong that even a dobe like you can sense it," replied Sasuke, while trying to sound light and conversational but really roiling in impatience. Sakura sighed again. She too was tired of this whole business, but with the seemingly weak backbone of Suou, she could only pray to Kami-sama that this torturous tour could miraculously steer them to their rooms.

It did. Tamaki at last stopped in front of three doors at the end of a hallway. "Here are the ways to your suites," he was saying. "I have school tomorrow, so naturally you must come with me--"

"Wait a minute!" Sakura cut in, real panic in her voice because of the threat for attack. "We need a place to stay that's closer to you! We can't guard you from here!"

Naruto and Sasuke glared at her, their looks clearly saying 'can _too'_, but she would have none of that. She persisted, "If we had to, we could even stay outside your window." Her teammates gave her death glares.

Tamaki looked devastated. "You, fair lady, staying in the merciless night with tree roots jumbling up your beautiful hair and ruining your perfect body? Never!" Sakura was tempted to hit him again, but restrained herself to wait for a straight answer.

"So... is there an extra room in your suite?" asked Naruto, who, despite his great love of nature, did not usually enjoy staying outside without any sleeping bags.

Tamaki nodded slowly, then gasped loudly. "But there is only one! The fair lady will have to sleep in the same room as these filthy men!" Naruto and Sasuke growled.

"I happen to take a bath every night," Sasuke grumbled. His vanity spoke volumes.

Sakura rolled her eyes, miraculously calmed down and used to the sexism. "No problem. We sleep around the same campfire all the time on missions."

The sexist blond dude looked scandalized and nearly fainted. But recovered enough to turn around and walk in the other direction. "Well," he said rather stiffly, "if it must be. I will tell the servants to place two more beds in." All three rolled their eyes in exasperation.

The walk back to the east wing was quite uncomfortable. Sakura thought that she seemed to have hurt her client's feelings again. How pathetically sensitive. And here she thought he'd be at least a little more resilient to spoken barbs. They were in an anime, for God's sake! Nasty insults were common language!

Arriving in Tamaki's suite of rooms, he selected a door from a dozen identical ones. It was opened with a flourish. For the second time this afternoon, all three shinobi stared.

It wasn't really a room suitable to be one of many in a suite, as it was another bedroom. The draperies were of the finest velvet, crimson and gold. A roaring fire burned in the fireplace (even thought it wasn't winter) and the one golden canopied bed was covered with furs and tasseled pillows. "Um, who's supposed to sleep there usually?" she asked Tamaki after a few minutes of disbelief. He looked at her like she had grown another set of eyes.

"Well, no one lives there," he replied, confused. Sakura felt roiling anger burn the pit of her stomach again. "Then why's it so damn clean?" she screeched. "If no one lives there, then why does it look fresh as strawberry shampoo?" What a freakin' waste of man -- er, people-power! He was so careless about the money that hard-working people like her parents worked so hard to earn.

Naruto shushed her before she could explode with indignance. Aloud, he asked, "Ano sa, Suou! What are we gonna do tomorrow?"

Tamaki seemed to magically rejuvenate again. "Wake-up call is at 5:00! You all must get out of that filthy clothing," here he wrinkled his nose at the Naruto's smelly orange'n' black suit, "and be properly fitted for your uniforms before you join me at the third music room!"

Sakura saw Naruto's face turn blue. "U-uniforms?" he stuttered, apparently unable to believe the horror of preordained starched clothing.

"Didn't you read the information packet Tsunade-sama gave to us before we left?" One look was all it took to realize that Naruto had forgotten again. A hollow clicking noise issued from his head as he slowly twisted his neck to face the doorway before walking slowly in like it was the March of Death.

"For heaven's sake, Naruto, lighten up!" Sakura scolded, kicking him in the rear so that he landed in an uncomfortable heap on the carpeted floor. Just then, two maids scurried in, burdened with two more mattresses, accidently stepping over the comatose orange-clad shinobi. Naruto groaned softly, his cheek pressed to the ground. 'Uniforms. How in Hell was he supposed to survive in this school?'

* * *

Review. I command you. Host club meets shinobi next chapter. Am thinking of doing fanart of this and posting it on DA. 


	3. Delicious Commoner Noodles

**Enter the Host Club**

By BlackFeatherz29

Chapter 3: Delicious Commoner Noodles

Ehehe... sorry I didn't update in a week like I promised. But fear not, noble readers! I have a long chapter for you this time, complete with spoiler-flavored art! Thank you so very much for all your reviews! Since this fic is pretty much all humor, I didn't expect so many reviews; one for each chapter would be a good minimum. So from now on, I'll be counting on you to review at least once each chapter! Okay, I'll stop talking like Tamaki now.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or Ouran High School Host Club.

_

* * *

The fire crackled loudly in his ears. Tiny embers danced around his skin like miniature devils, stabbing it with red-hot spears until it turned black and started to peel off in crisp layers. Strangely, non of this hurt in any way. He supposed that this is what it feels like to die. No pain, just peace. Suddenly, he felt her prescence at his side. 'Thank goodness,' his fading consciousness thought, giving a little sigh. He felt her cool tears sting his cheek. _

_"Don't... don't cry, Sakura," he whispered, fighting the lethargy of death feebly. _

_"Idiot! Look at you! You... you- you jumped in to save me. You could have run away, but you just had to..." Her pitiful sobs reached his ears, making his heart ache with longing for the life he would never have._

_"Do you... believe in reincarnation?" he asked, his dry lips flaking. _

_"Why the hell are you asking that now?" she cried, her words almost incomprehensible in her wails. "Why the hell are you talking about something like that now when... when..."_

_He smiled a smile that twisted into pain, a remnant of the brilliant grin that once had been cemented on his face. "Because, Sakura-chan, I will come back to you in my next life..."_

"GAKIIIIIIIIII!" A bucket of ice cold water splashed over Naruto's face, making him yell in surprise. Then he screamed in horror as Jiraiya's creepy face loomed centimeters from his face.

"I thought you were able to dispel genjutsu!" the toad hermit shrieked, spittle flying. "Every time you get to any illusions involving your dearest sweetheart, you chicken out! What if an enemy knew that? What if he used that against you? You'd be stone dead the moment he cast it, brat!"

Naruto rolled his eyes, backing away from the old man's smelly breath. "I wasn't paying attention, okay?" he answered rudely. 'He didn't have to be such a prick about it...'

"Fine." Jiraiya then got an evil gleam in his perverted eye. "Then I have a punishment for you."

Naruto narrowed his eyes suspiciously at his sensei. "Punishment? I didn't hear about no punishment before."

Jiraiya leered at a point over Naruto's left shoulder. "I'll give you a punishment this time like a good sensei should..."

The blond boy started to feel the situation grow increasingly ominous from the look on the perverted hermit's face. He backed away a few steps. "Ano sa... you aren't really going to make me do what you think you're going to do, right...?"

He got his answer soon enough. The toad sannin pounced on him, taking advantage of Naruto's moment of weakness. "Do the Sexy no Jutsu for me!" he hollered triumphantly. "Or I'll crush you with Gamabunta!" Naruto wiggled feebly under the fifty-year-old man's enormous bulk.

"I refuse to surrender, tyrant!" he wheezed, but with the flames of youthfullness burning still within his heart. "I'm not gonna do the Sexy no Jutsu for you no more!"

"HYAAAAAAAH?" Huh? A girl? A cloud of pink hair loomed above his face.

"Sakura...chan?" What oddity. When did Ero-Sennin try to trick him by turning into Sakura? And she looked perfectly normal, except...

"Ha! You don't fool me, you bastard!" he screamed with much bravado, jumping to his feet. "Cuz I know that the real Sakura-chan doesn't wear sleepign yukatas!"

A hard right hooker struck him in the side of the face. Come to think of it, that felt like Sakura, too. Ero-sennin had really out-done himself this time.

"You frickin' idiot!" 'Sakura' shrieked, eyes flaming and veins throbbing her forehead. "Since when do you know anything about my sleeping garments? Did you sneak into my room?" Then she appeared to have horrified herself with her own statement and started pounding Naruto even harder. He whimpered as the hard blows struck his face, perplexed as to why Ero-sennin had gone this far to punish him. He wanted the Sexy no Jutsu, no?

"Quiet down, you two," came a familiar irritable voice, its owner unearthing himself from a pile of covers to reveal a severe case of bed hair. "Some of us are trying to sleep, you know. It's only four o'clock."

Naruto rose from the floor and blinked a couple of times. "Oi, Sasuke-teme. When'd you get here?" It was then that he noticed his own dripping yukata. "Huh...?" And the plush carpet underneath his feet and richly colored material that made up the canopy that his head...

"...where am I?"

Sasuke groaned and pulled his covers over his head, mussing up his already chicken-shaped hair even more. "I'm not going to even bother to reply to that."

All of a sudden, a loud knock came at the door. It echoed in the dead silence like the sharp snap of a twig in enemy nin territory on a clear night. Soundlessly, Sasuke drew a kunai from his pack and watched the door tensely under the thick covers. Naruto backed away into the corner, five shuriken ready on his nimble fingers. Sakura flattened herself behind the door, poised with a naginata drawn from its sheath. Several seconds passed. Naruto held his breath, predicting the moment when the enemy would burst through the door.

3... 2...

"We're coming in!" The high-pitched voices of the Suou family's maids battered the particles in the wooden door and materialized the sound vibrations into the bedroom in a nanosecond, giving the three shinobi no time to react. They panicked.

The poor girls never had time to see it coming. Even as the doors opened, one found several shuriken buried, shivering with the force of the throw, in the lacquered wood millimeters from her ear. Another squeaked with fright as a kunai shot at her with lightning speed from under a cover, and her companion nearly fainted at the blade poised at her throat.

"FREEZE!" Sakura screeched. Everyone froze. She then sheathed her blade and turned to scream incoherently at her teammates. Naruto took this chance to bound out of the corner and start kowtowing in front of the scared-stiff maids. "Sumimasen... sumimasen... hontou ni sumimasen..."

A few minutes later... (random image of Kyouya with death-glare eyes peering out from the covers)

"Oh, it's not a problem!" replied a perky maid, giggling even as she used her tape measure to measure Naruto's legs while he squirmed in dread. "Things like this happen all the time around here." He sweatdropped.

Naruto by then had fully awakened to his present location (and realized with much embarrasment what he had said in that situation), and was now more than slightly nervous as the three maids swooped around with heart-shaped eyes and fangirly squeals while Sakura smoldered in the background, fully dressed because none of them wanted to assist her. Too bad there weren't any fanboy ogglers around...oh, snap...

"FAIR LADY!" None other than the supreme prince of the gullible, Suou Tamaki burst through the door in a shower of crimson rose petals and bravado (yes, a shower of bravado). "I have come to escort you and you fellow companions to the place that will become your second home!"

Before Sakura could do anything, he swept her off her feet with one smooth and sparkly motion, holding her gently suspended in the air bridal-style.

"I bestow upon you infinite apologies for what my dismal mannerisms did to you yesterday," he whispered, leaning close to her shocked face. "This humble self begs that you cleanse your conscience and accept him merely for what he is: but an ordinary man who is in agonizing pining for a goddess he could never hope to measure up to but still he attempts to court-"

A large vein popped in Sakura's sizeable forehead as she delivered a very intense punch to Suou's nose. "If you would quit asking me like that and get at least five feet away from me, I would!" she screeched while the unfortunate boy fell backwards in slow motion with a very stunned look on his face.

Naruto whistled in eternal admiration for Sakura's super-strong punch. That is, until the giggling maid enthusiastically held up an impeccably ironed uniform set consisting of a blue blazer, white dress shirt, and black dress pants. "WHY?!" he cried, backing into the wall. "Why do I have to wear something so- so- restricting?"

"Because, usurakontachi," replied Sasuke irritably, surrounded by the two other red-faced giggling maids, "we are going to a school. Japanese schools wear uniforms. You want to stick out like Chouji at a fashion shoot?"

The blonde swallowed, a bead of sweat dripping down his temple. "For the mission," he whispered, an almost thoughtful look on his expressive features, as if he were actually comtemplating such an option.

He wasn't. Contemplating submission, that is.

"OI, OI, OI!" the irate boy shrieked as Sakura held him down and Sasuke roughly stuffed him into his new uniform. "I CAN DO JUST FINE WITH MY NINJA CLOTHES!"

"QUIET!" both of them screamed at him, which made him quiet down for awhile. At least, long enough to get his uniform on, in its newly rumpled state.

A few minutes later... (random image of grumpy Naruto tugging at his uniform in rather sensitive places)

"Mou," the blonde shinobi groaned, propping his feet up on the long mahogany table. "Fine, fine, I can wear the uniform." He gave the collar an extra tug for good measure. "But why isn't there any ramen for breakfast?"

Sasuke growled at him. "This is a high-salary family, Naruto. Ramen are for poor people like you. And stop glaring at me; you know it's true."

This apparently seemed to excite their host. "Ramen?" he asked, hope swelling in his voice. "Are you talking about those deliciously simple commoner noodles that one buys at the supermarket?"

Angels sung in the background and Sasuke and Sakura looked on in dismay (looking like all the world like the inspiration for the painting, 'The Scream') as Naruto practically jumped on their client, knocking him over and laughing like a convict fresh out of prison. They'd been hoping that they'd be able to squelch Naruto's love of ramen for at least a little while while here...

They turned their eyes quickly away from the two blonds, both looking impatiently on as two bowls of instant ramen softened.

A few minutes later... (random image of Naruto sprawled on rug with bulging stomach and ten empty styrofoam bowls lying around him)

"Sugooooiiii..." was all that came out of the normally outspoken blond ninja's mouth. When you have lived all your life in a ninja village surrounded by traditional Japanese culture and suddenly come across the European majesty of Ouran High School, you kinda get that reaction.

"Wow, so this is the place that we're gonna go to school from now on!" Naruto exclaimed, eyes feasting on the elegant rose-tinted buildings. Despite the fact that he usually wasn't very fond of rich people, since the only ones he met before were overindulged babies in grown mens' bodies like Gato, he came to dislike them and their often undoing method of wanting more money and power. But ever since he met this certain rich person, he had started to believe that rich people weren't so bad after all. I mean, he had instant ramen! Normal pompous rich folks would never come within a ten-foot radius of the cheaply-made-high-in-sodium-and-monosodium-glutamate food! That must mean that he had at least one kind bone in his body that was willing to bend down to the commoners' level.

Bouncing up and down on the plush limosine seat (cleverly reinforcing his bounces with the tiniest bit of chakra), Naruto poked Tamaki energetically in the shoulder while his teammates sat the farthest they could from the pair and tried to tune them out. "Ne, ne, Suou-san!" he chimed, keeping no type of volume control on his voice, "what's in the Third Music Room? You said we were gonna go there once we get to school, right?"

Tamaki laughed jovially, excited to have someone so willing to join the Host Club. "That is a secret!" he told his employee, roses sparkling in the background. "But I promise you, there will be many young girls for you to entertain and much cake for you to eat!"

Naruto's eyes grew round with anticipation. "Cake? I love cake!"

While the two idiots squabbled away blissfully, Sasuke groaned loudly and tried to think of other things. Other less annoying things. Other... logical things, yes, that was it. He pulled out his hidden pocket full of his prized kunai (freshly bought from Tenten's weapons shop only a week before) and started to strategically sharpen them one at a time. And mentally, he began a letter in his head.

_To Hinata-san:_

_Today is the day straight after our arrival. Tsunade-sama did not give us enough warning beforehand, but because she was drunk, I suppose that there was no possibility of a full briefing during that alloted time. I only brought fifteen kunai, ten explosive tags, and a hurriedly packed case of shuriken, and nothing else that would enable for me to work undercover in a large crowd of civilians without been alerted..._

A few minutes later... (random image of Sakura finally getting fed up and terrorizing both blondes with an expression like Hades)

"Ah, here we are!" cried Tamaki, throwing his arms out dramatically and pushing open the finely carved front doors of Ouran High School. The three shinobi could not have, in any way, been prepared to see what was on the other side.

The majority of the female population was moving in a large mass towards them, with roughly the same speed as Chouji on a Meat-Tank rampage. "Tamaki-sama! Good morning, Tamaki-sama!"

A shiver of forboding went down Sasuke's spine. Fangirls were a large and not particularly tasteful part of his life that he had hoped to live without, but this...?

"HYAAAAAH?" screeched Sakura, horrified. "What the crud is this?"

But despite the immense pressure pressing in on all sides of him, Suou Tamaki, a nobley-bred, half-foreign prince, was perfectly prepared. "Ah, my angels!" he exclaimed, his sparkling roses spinning once again in the background, "I have returned to my kingdom for another day with you! And behold, I bring with me three royal subjects who are loyal beyond all question and would gladly become but a slave to your tender touch, much as I have become to you."

The girls squealed with delight, opening up a wide berth for the prince and his three subjects.

"So this is how he deals," muttered Sasuke, a bead of sweat sliding down his temple. "Why hadn't I thought of that before? Clearly it is a survival tactic..."

It took almost twenty minutes to pick their way through endless ornate hallways lined with ruby-red Hollywood carpets to finally arrive at the Third Music Room. By then, the shinobi felt that their best tactical skills were going to be in questions in this huge school. Why couldn't thier client be a little more modest? Why did he have to be so popular? Why... why... why...?

"And we are here!" the person in question declared, throwing open another pair of large double doors with both flair and drama. Team Seven was forced to step back as a powerful gust of wind struck them full on, its invisible depths swirling with red rose petals and fairy dust. And in the midst of the hurricane, a chorus of voices was heard as their figures became clear.

"Irrashiamasen!"

* * *

I didn't lie to you when I said Team Seven would meet the Host Club... did it? I did...? 

Um, okay. The address to the art that I drew for the next chapter of this fic is at this address (take out the spaces and add http and ://www like any other web address): / deviation / 48502090 Or just go to my profile and click on my homepage.

And for all the questions about the 'Hinata-san' thing, I am a supporter of SasuHina and NaruSaku, so bear with me. I won't make it too obvious so you can't stand if you don't like those pairings; I just need something to keep Sasuke attached to the real world :D Til next time!


	4. Grave Prospects

Enter the Host Club

By BlackFeatherz29

Chapter 4

Dude, I finally have enough stuff to submit this as a decent chapter! (claps in happiness) It's the last day of school, last day of final exams, and I am FREE! Sorry, guys, I was really out of it for fanfiction material for the last few months. School was absolutely horrible, but now I have time to write and draw! This chappie really is nothing but an introduction to the next part, which basically outlines what exactly Team Seven's gonna have to do on their mission.

Disclaimer: I own nothing... (tries vainly to whistle but sadly cannot) ... but the story plot!

* * *

"Irashiamassen!" 

"What the -- " And Team Seven was dragged forth, into the light.

The first thing Sasuke was aware of was the girls. Girls everywhere. Sitting on sofas, drinking tea, standing up, giggling in that annoying girlish way. All heads turned robotically at once in their direction. He shuddered, trying to find a point to stare at besides girls' faces. but was unable to. There was simply nowhere to look besides girls. And then he saw their welcoming party.

A group of boys were sitting in formation right in front of their path. All were considerably good-looking (even one who looked like a grade-schooler and clutched a pink bunny close to his chest; he was just _cute_), and all were wearing blindingly sparkling smiles. What were all these handsome guys doing here?

"Welcome, my friends!" declared Tamaki, his sparkling red roses swelling larger and more lustrously than ever. "I am pleased to introduce you to the pride and joy of Ouran High School: The Host Club! Our members (in no particular order) follows as thus:

"Me, Suou Tamaki, the King (an extravagant flourish and a blinding smile complete with a hurricane of roses); Ootori Kyouya, who is a cool type (a charming smile and a evil twinkle in the eye); Haninozuka Mitsukuni a.k.a. Honey-sempai, the loli-shota type (a cute cry of 'Wai!' and a squeezing of the bunny); Morinozuka Takashi, the wild type (a grunt and a nod of the head); Hitachiin Hikaru and Kaoru, the little devils (much eyelid-pulling and sticking out of tongues); and Fujioka Haruhi, the natural type (a nod and a sensible smile)."

"The WHAT Club?" Sakura screeched, disbelief etched on her normally pretty face while her head swam suddenly with inappropriate mental images.

"...Host Club," mumbled Sasuke to no one in particular in the way that one might after they have had an exceedingly violent shock and don't know how to react. "Host... Club..."

The approximate thought pattern of the attractive dark-haired shinobi went something like this: Host Club... Tamaki the womanizer... Host Club... girls... our mission... Host Club... entertainers... prostitu--!

"That's just wrong!" burst out the Uchiha, head reeling with bad images. No one in their right mind would expose himself _in order_ for girls to slobber over him!

Sakura shrugged, trying to look politely confused, but with her Inner Side cackling evilly at the stone-cold Uchiha squirming and at the... possibilities. Naruto remained silent, a serious thinking expression plastered on his face. It seemed like he had actually understood what the club was for. And quite liked it.

Tamaki looked faintly put out. "Is something the matter? Is not the atmosphere suitable?"

Sasuke had barely opened his mouth to respond with a 'hell yeah' when two pairs of hands grabbed him from behind.

The boy's silky chicken cut collided unexpectedly and quite painfully with the ornately carved mahogany handle of a couch when the Hitachiin twins decided to tie him to it. Sasuke's still swirling head now throbbed with pain and the heat of a thousand shames.

"Ehehehehehe..." The twins' laughs sounded eerily ominous. Despite the fact that both looked like perfectly normal people in Ouran uniforms, the way that the two of them were grinning seemed to suggest otherwise. They peered into the Uchiha's face with a leer that would make the deadliest missing nins quake in their boots from the sheer disturbing-ness of it all.

"Tono," one of them said in a very bored tone of voice, turning his gaze to the confused king. "He has a problem with us being hosts."

Tamaki looked as if somebody had gone up to him and told him that... well, his beloved Host Club was detestable to their moral standards. Substitute suitably word for 'distraught'.

"Whaaaat?" asked Honey-sempai, big puppy eyes wide in surprise and sadness. "He doesn't like our club, Tama-chan?"

"Mitsukuni," said Mori-sempai quietly. "He has his morals."

The small blond boy nodded his head in understanding, but big dewy teardrops blossomed in his eyes. The shinobi shivered. The temperature in the room had just risen twenty degrees.

"Uh... ano... " stuttered Sakura, trying diplomatically to make Honey-senpai stop crying. "Please stop -- please stop crying, um, Haninozuka-kun..." She'd never been good with kids, anyways. Scared them out of their wits before they ever learned to like her.

"It's unnatural that you just make yourself into a harem for girls!" Sasuke yelped. Meanwhile, a certain shadow king who had been eyeballing him for some time finally spoke up.

"Uchiha-san," Kyouya said with a smile. "You disapprove with our methods?"

Sasuke shivered with dread. "What I don't understand is why you even put up with these girls all the time," he ground out. "I... hate... clingy... girls..."

Kyouya's smile didn't come off. In fact, he smiled wider. "I understand perfectly, Uchiha-san. Dealing with the sheer numbers may well be a very compelling task. But, fortunately, we have a proposition."

"Eh?" Now all three of the shinobis' ears perked up.

"I have heard from your village leader that you will receive a fixed amount of payment for your services as bodyguards of Suou Tamaki. However," here he pushed up the bridge of his glasses nonchalantely, "she has also agreed that you may earn an additional amount of money if you two boys become temporary members of our host club."

Silence. Then two loud yells.

"HELL YEAH!"

"HELL NO!"

Sasuke stared in unabashed horror at his teammate, who now gleamed with sparkles identical to those of the Host Club. "Naruto?! You -- you _traitor_..."

"No need to ask twice!" exclaimed the loudest ninja of Konohagakure. "If you need a job done, just ask Uzumaki Naruto, the future Hokage!"

Sakura's eyes narrowed suspiciously at him, a saccharine smile still plastered on her face. "Naruto..." she said, beastial undertones betraying the threat underneath, "while I'm very happy that we'll earn more money from this mission, you aren't thinking of... _two-timing_ me, are you?"

Naruto's sparkles suddenly dropped to the floor as his eyes grew quite wide. "N-n-n-no way, Sakura-chan! You'll always be my Sakura-chan, and I-I-I-I'd never even _think_ of --"

"Good, cuz this is a taste what you're gonna get if you even _think_ of doing it!" Another crack of the pink-haired shinobi's granite fist propelled Naruto hard into the wall. Girls screamed. Kyouya chuckled as he pushed up the bridge of his glasses.

"Haruno-san," he said calmly. "If you insist on punching another hole in the wall of the clubhouse, I shall have to take the damage costs out from your payment."

Sakura giggled apologetically, realizing how mad Tsunade-sama would be if she ever heard about this.

"Sasuke-kun!" she called, in a mock-flirtatious way. He turned his head slowly. "While I talk with Naruto for a little while, why don't you go crazy?"

"EHHHH?!"

"Y'know, Tsunade-sama is going to get suspicious when all the extra cash for her sake and gambling isn't coming in on time..."

"Y-y-you mean --"

Here, she lost all patience. "HURRY UP AND DO YER JOB!"

Whereas, the Hitachiin twins helpfully broke his bindings and catapaulted the Uchiha prodigy right into the middle of a throng of girls.

Next thing he knew... they were all over him.

Screams of utmost suffering were heard along with squeals of happiness. You had to feel sorry for the guy.

'Dear Hinata-san:

I believe the next time I see you, I will be in a body bag...'

* * *

... finished! Poor Sasuke-kun! I love torturing him D Even more than torturing Naruto-kun. It's so obvious that his weakness is fangirls, especially now since he has to actually deal with them without Chidori-ing the life out of them. 

Next chapter: THE PLAY. Dun-dun-duuuuuuun.

PS: Thank you for so many reviews! This being a crack fic, I really didn't expect so many.


	5. Even More Grave Prospects

Enter the Host Club

By BlackFeatherz29

Chapter 5

(bows) I betrayed my own empty promises. Please forgive me. Never trust my deadlines I set for myself, for I never follow them.

Anyhow, I wrote an extra long chapter for you all to enjoy today! (apologetic smile) Wrote the first six hundred to one thousand words with much writer's block on mind, then forced myself to finish the rest yesterday afternoon. 'Tis hard on this one's soul... (oro's) At any rate, sit back and enjoy!

Disclaimer: Naruto and Ouran High School Host Club do not in any way belong to sessha. (Kenshin smile)

* * *

"What the hell was that all about?!" 

Uchiha Sasuke was quite (emphasis on the 'quite') distraught, walking with a slight limp and wearing the patented Uchiha Death Glare of Doom that automatically gave the shivers to anyone who dared to look. His tie had been lost somewhere in the struggle, the seams of his blue Ouran blazer ripped at many spots, and buttons missing from his shirt.

"Maa, maa, Uchiha-kun!" reassured Tamaki in a not-so-reassuring way. "It is quite obvious that you have the charisma and the charm to woo your lovely ladies! Why not harness that wonderful talent and become a exclusive member of our host club?" He was bouncing up and down in a highly juvenile way, the calm Ootori Kyouya at his side.

Sakura looked very pleased about something, and Naruto (covered with mottled purple bruises and a slight lisp in his speech due to a couple missing teeth) looked highly annoyed.

"No frickin' way!" he screeched, looking every bit as pissed as when the Uchiha had conned him into paying for his, Sakura's, Shikamaru's and the entire Rookie Nine's ramen at the Ichiraku Noodle Stand a few weeks ago. His dear Froggy-chan had barely survived that incident. "That bastard's getting more girls than me! And he doesn't even wanna do this!"

"As if I wanted to in the first place!" his teammate shot back furiously as another group of giggling girls proceeded to swoon as soon as they caught sight of light striking his dark chicken-cut hair. "If you want them, be my guest!"

Before Sakura could administer her rather violent method of group therapy on the pair of them, Kyouya wisely butt in.

"If I may," he said, very rationally. "Uchiha-san, I understand perfectly the uncomfortable pressure that you dislike experiencing. But will you not overlook your grudge in face of the better good?"

"Eh?" Sasuke stared at the Shadow King as if he were nuts and needed to be confined to a padded room in Morino Ibiki's interrogation chambers for those who had cracked under his brutal methods. Yes, that demonic spark in his eye was _not_ normal... the lighting of the hallways, however bright it was, could never make the membrane of the outer eyeball glow in such an eerie and forboding way...

And then Kyouya proceeded to nail the unfortunate shinobi with a full blast of his patented Ohtori Spectacle Gleam of Doom. The effects were instantaneous.

"What I mean, Uchiha-san, is quite simple to comprehend. It is not Suou Tamaki alone who holds your precious contract, but the entire Host Club. This _mission_, as you call it, does not currently have a difficulty level. This is, of course, subject to change and will determine the amount of profit that will be sent to your village in return for your services. Your mission is to make sure that we, as the Host Club, attract as many customers as we can during the course of your stay while also ensuring that during our current project, no harm comes to any of us. Thus, you must do all you can to aid the club in any way."

"And fortunately, becoming temporary host club members is profitable toward you as well," here he gave a little smile that screamed evil to the traumatized Uchiha. "From what data I have gathered, your current Godaime would be quite displeased if any of you three denied her the second command to quote-unquote '_suck out every drop of money' _that we offered, ne?"

The temperature in the hallway suddenly dropped several degrees as Team Seven alternated from gaping in shock at how in the world this civilian had obtained this classified information and shivering in fear of Tsunade-sama's legendary sannin wrath.

She most certainly wouldn't forgive them. Even the deadliest of nuke-nin must quake at the bloodlust that the Godaime of Konoha must emit if not supplied with her daily regiment of sake and additional cash for gambling. Not that she ever put the money to good use...

"Yeah, yeah, YEAH!" hollered a sweating Naruto, more than slightly unnerved at Kyouya's creepiness and the efficiency at which he had manipulated them. "Tsunade-baa-chan's gonna kill us if we don't get that money for her! We gotta work to live!"

Sakura, though still steaming inwardly, grudgingly had to agree. Although she would gladly punch Naruto to the oblivion beyond the many layers of Ouran's walls and then snatch his dear departing spirit back into his body and then do it all over again, she herself knew firsthand how terrifying her shishou could be without her sake...

A year ago...

_"Tsunade-shishou," whispered a younger Haruno Sakura. The famed Godaime of Konohagakure did not stop drooling onto the pile of paperwork that served as her temporary pillow._

_"Tsunade-shishou," repeated the girl, now slightly irritated. It was 9:30 a.m., exactly the time at which Sakura's daily training session was supposed to begin. But somehow, it never started until at least noontime. It was hard to say why the girl simply did not stay in bed until then. Perhaps it was the embarrassment that it was her shishou who was snoring loudly enough to interrupt classtime at the Academy down the street that made her feel it was her duty to attempt to wake up each morning. Or perhaps, she was just a glutton for punishment, which was hardly likely. You decide yourself, dear reader._

_"Tsunade-shishou!" A loud whisper couldn't hurt, could it...?_

_Several things happened at once. One, Sakura suddenly found herself buried in the opposite wall of the Hokage's office, coughing her lungs out in all the dust. Two, she found an iron fist in her stomach and a sudden roil of smelly breath. _

_"Oh... it's just you, Sakura." With a crack, Tsunade-sama nonchalantly extracted her fist from her student's stomach, casually blowing off a thin covering of dust from the top of her knuckles. Meanwhile, Sakura gagged as blood leaked out of her mouth. Definitely some broken ribs there..._

_"Tsunade-shishou!" she groaned, trying to catch her breath as she hurriedly made a few hand seals. "Do you have to do that to me every morning?" She pressed her glowing chakra-laden hands to her aching abdomen, repairing her broken rib(s). _

_"It's not my fault that you keep insisting on waking me up!" the Godaime Hokage pouted, wiping the dried-off drool off of her face. "Besides, it's a good opportunity to practice your healing jutsu!" She suddenly paused, as if lost in thought._

_"Wait a minute... I thought I bought a fresh jug last night..." With a look of the utmost horror upon her face, then woman fell upon her workplace and promptly began to tear it apart._

_By now done healing herself, Sakura looked strangely at the woman she had come to respect flinging papers around the office like a human merry-go-round stuck on maximum speed. In all the mornings that she had come to wake her shishou up, she'd never seen her this worked up before. _

_"Ano... shishou...?"_

_"DAMMIT!" came the furious screech. "SOMEBODY STOLE MY SAKE!!!"_

_And so the lesson for the day was forsaken for jolly sake-thief hunting, which involved the demonstrations of many earth-cleaving jutsu (or in this case, building and head-cleaving jutsu), much abuse from Tsunade-sama's iron fists__, and general insanity on behalf of that darned stolen jug of sake. _

_It turned out the thief was Konohamaru, who had thought it would be a funny prank if he stole Grandma Tsunade's beloved sake. The punishment waiting for him was too horrific to put into words, so please envision in your own heads, dear readers. At any rate, the world would not last very long if this were to happen again. _

* * *

To someone who might somehow suddenly stumble into the path of Uchiha Sasuke at the moment (after getting over the initial shock of his sheer attractiveness), they might've thought he was, well, sentenced to be executed by being first tortured in excruciating ways, hanged, and then drawn and quartered. But unfortunately for the fangirls who go gaga for bishies in bondage, Ouran High School was not the place to be doing such. And it was not in England. 

No, the verdict was that he was to serve as a temporary host in the school's infamous Host Club. And to him, that was more torturous than anything Morino Ibiki's famous interrogation skills could dish out.

The first step of the mission was to be enrolled into their client's homeroom. Year 2, class A. Simple enough, right?

The paperwork was taken care of by the Hokage, but somehow she'd forgotten about it until after the mission began. Luckily, the registration forms were handed in by one of Suou's many butlers just last night. Thanks to his father's influence and good timing, three 'foreign exchange students' had safetly been granted sanctuary under Ouran's prestigious roof. Now, it was time to see how the students would react...

Stepping into the classroom which served as their destination, the shinobi suddenly noticed a strange lull in the conversation as they entered the room along with Suou and Kyouya. Sasuke swore he heard a thud on the carpet as a girl swooned. Damn those fangirls.

The teacher of the class, a tall middle-aged man with a prestigiously curling goatee, seemed at a loss for words. But Ootori Kyouya missed not a beat, and casually asked him what the matter was.

The sensei quickly stopped staring in horror at Sakura's bubblegum-pink hair, Naruto's un-Japanese blonde-ness, and Sasuke's ripped uniform and strangely absent tie, and cleared his throat.

"Attention!" As if he needed to say that. "These three students are to be your classmates from today onward. They are foreign exchange students from..." here he looked toward his informational page for help, "... Konoha Academy."

Masking his disapproval with a pained smile, he asked them to introduce themselves. Naruto quickly stole the limelight.

"Oi, oi! I'm Uzumaki Naruto, and I like ramen, Sakura-chan, and that bastard, I guess." He gestured wildly toward Sasuke. "My goal is to work hard at everything I do, and to become Ho-"

He was then punched loudly on the head by Sakura, who in turn giggled nervously. "Oh, my, Naruto-kun! You must mean _prime minister_, right?" Everyone sweatdropped.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah!" came Naruto's slightly muffled answer as he lay on the ground with his bottom in the air. "Prime Minister, that's it!"

The pink-haired girl then attempted to cover up her violent streak with a thick layer of sweetness. "Nice to meet you! My name is Haruno Sakura, and please excuse my two friends. I like to read, practice martial arts, and spend time with my friends." Here she fluttered her eyelashes mock-coyly in Naruto and Sasuke's direction.

Sasuke groaned, elicting a chorus of fangirl squeals. "I'm Uchiha Sasuke. I like soba and martial arts, and I dislike annoying people and traitors." He continued to glare at the people in the room, as if daring them to even try to irritate him. Unfortunately, the girls didn't get the message and only started squealing louder as soon as the charm of his few and mysterious words worked its magic.

Before the irate teacher had time to escort his three new students to their seats, Tamaki stepped in front with a flourish of roses and sparkling powder.

"Ah, beautiful ladies! As many of you may already know, these two lads are to be taken under my protective wing as the new members of the Host Club! I beg of you, come in due time and let them open up their youthful hearts to your loveliness!"

Thus, after much noisiness and girly screams, Team Seven finally settled into their seats and prepared for a day of boring lessons.

By lunchtime, they were wondering what in the world they were supposed to be doing on this mission.

"Tsunade-shishou's briefing sheet said that we were to assist Suou and his club in all their ventures," muttered Sakura as she selected a random entree from a line of gourmet dishes in the school's lunch line.

Sasuke only twitched in response. He didn't even want to think about what Suou's 'ventures' might be. Maybe a boating party? Teatime twelve hours a day? Video game cosplays?

Naruto had tuned everyone out a long time ago, having been salivating into his napkin as he stared at the rows upon rows of hot, delicious food.

Presently, the shinobi joined the Suou, Fujioka, and the Hitachiin twins at their table when the King most politely demanded them there this instant. They wondered what the Enma he was going to talk about. Sinking stomachs struck the unfortunate youths.

"Forgive me of not informing you earlier, but I was just too excited by your arrivals!" Suou told them, practically bouncing up and down with anticipation. The twins and Fujioka ignored him as they fought among themselves.

"And... that might be...?" asked Sasuke sarcastically.

"A play! A play! A play, a play, a play!" A clapping of hands in a childish manner.

This caught the attention of the twins, who had by now quit stealing the irate Fujioka's food and wore identical doubtful expressions. "Tono," they said in perfect unison, "you aren't trying to copy the Zuka Club, are you? Because remember what we did last time?"

Fujioka choked on his drink in a badly-made attempt to hide a loud snort.

Tamaki looked scandalized. "Absolutely no!" Noticing the younger boy's sputtering, he immediately captured Fujioka in a headlock and started weeping while he spoke. "For shame, Hikaru, Kaoru! Just look here at our poor daughter, about to die of asphyxiation, as a dreadful consequence of what transpired last time! Haruhi! Daddy's here! Please don't die on us!"

"I'm dying because you're choking me!" came the angry reply. "Get yer hands off of me!"

"A play?!" A bouncing ball of fluffy blond hair had bounded up to their table, its tall dark shadow only a few feet behind. "Tama-chan, you're gonna put on a play?" Before Suou could soak up all his tears with a daintily embroidered handkerchief, Haninozuka Mitsukuni had smothered him with a bunny-hug. "You're the best, Tama-chan!!"

"A play?" Naruto had actually stopped stuffing his face with food for at least a few seconds, his mouth miraculously only half-full of food. "Anou sa, Suou-san! We're gonna have a play? Am I gonna be in it? What play is it?"

"Ah, I knew that all you beautiful youths would be delighted with my proposition!" exclaimed Tamaki as soon as Mori-senpai had pried his small friend off the King's face. "Fear not! All of the members of the Host Club will have a part, with no exceptions!"

Fujioka blinked up at his senpai curiously. "So, what's the play going to be?"

"Snow White and the Seven Dwarves! Or, by its alternate title... Princess Haruhi and the Eight Handsome Princes!"

* * *

... you can all imagine what the peoples' faces would look like after this announcement, can't you? I had this in mind since I started the fic D Based on the summary... yes, there is a financial group trying to take over Ouran; it will come with time.

And now my mom's mad cuz I can't time anything for crap and would've burned my cooking if she hadn't turned the burner off in time (and because I accidently turned on the wrong burner at the beginning), so bye, and please review!


End file.
